I Get Back on My Feet. The trickle of tears has turned into a river. I release so much pain in this moment. Every step, every bow seems to push me closer to where it hurts. Through my tears, I see the silhouette of a man approaching. He says nothing, but gently wipes the tears from my face with a piece of cloth. I look into his eyes. The Indian man’s gentle gaze touches something at the core of my being. Someone is there for me. Unconditionally. Suddenly I wonder: What happened to our capacity to feel in this world we live in?
Suddenly I feel a hand that gently grabs mine and takes me to my place. My tears are wiped from my cheeks. I feel peace.
Is it buried under our constant activity? What are the values that make us happy, that make us open up? How much joy and compassion do we miss out on, simply through a lack of consciousness? Are we in the process of driving our society against the wall in that way? I try to fend off these thoughts. They pull me away from feeling the moment. I want to walk in silence, fully conscious.
I Want to Feel. As soon as I allow my thoughts to evaporate, the tears start flowing again. This time, I embrace them like old friends I have not seen for a while. I open myself wide and welcome them. And they keep flowing, over my cheeks and chin, and onto the ground, as I take step after step, bow after bow. And as I get up again, I see a man kneeling in front of me with a wash bowl. The night before the crucifixion, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples and dried them, in a symbolic act of service and dedication. In this moment, I feel I catch my first glimpse of what true love really is. It is as if the mutual respect I experience here, the sense of connection and appreciation, the loving interaction and the ever-present compassion that strangers direct at me, shake me awake. I open my teary eyes; the evening sun sends its last rays through the thick, tropical canopy. My Indian friends, whom I only just let into my life a few days ago, kneel in front of me, facing me. The take a deep bow in yet another show of appreciation for what we have experienced together. I follow their example and take a bow, bring my right hand to my heart. It feels heavy in my chest, as if all the pain and hurt of life up until this moment has risen to the surface. I am exhausted from all the crying.
And then I feel a hand, gently taking mine, leading me to my seat. Someone wipes the tears from my face, and I’m at peace.
